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I know this title probably has you pretty confused, but it’s true… clutter actually can be a good thing! I’m explaining why in today’s video.
I tried all kinds of things to solve my clutter issues.
I read the magazines, bought the bins and containers, and tried to implement different routines to keep my house organized, but they never seemed to work for long.
Then one day, I realized it’s not about the stuff.
If decluttering was as simple as buying the right containers, we’d all be organized. All it would take is one magical trip to the Container Store, and suddenly all our clutter would disappear.
Boxes, bins, and creative organizing solutions can be great, but the real key to solving a clutter issue is addressing the cause of the clutter in the first place.
See, I believe clutter is just a symptom of something bigger that’s going on.
It’s kind of like when the body has a fever or the check engine light comes on in a car. Those are signals that there’ s a problem somewhere.
Someone could cut the wire to the check engine light and consider the problem solved, but that would only be a temporary fix (no more light!). The real issue would still be lurking underneath the hood.
I think clutter is, more often than not, just the messenger.
It’s an alert system that says, “Hey! You need to pay attention to something,” and clues us in that something in our lives needs to be addressed.
What that “something” is varies from person to person, but in cases of chronic clutter, I think there’s almost alway something deeper going on.
How to Figure Out the Deeper Issue
After years of spinning my wheels trying to solve my clutter issues by addressing the stuff, I started to really think about why I’d allowed clutter to accumulate in the first place.
I’m a mom of six so I could use the easy excuse of, “We have a lot of kids!” or “We have a big family,” but the truth is I’ve always kind of been messy so that wouldn’t really be true.
I eventually realized that I used clutter as a way to insulate myself from others. It was like my own person moat except instead of water, I had stuff.
It provided me with the perfect excuse for never having people over… our house is messy!
This had the added benefit of keeping people at a distance so they couldn’t really get to know me.
If they can’t get to know me, we can’t get too close, and if we aren’t close, they can’t hurt me.
I could keep my drawbridge up nice and tight, and stay safely within the walls of my home.
Acknowledge Why You Have Clutter
The first step to tackling clutter once and for all is to acknowledge what’s really going on.
What’s beneath the constant accumulation or inability to maintain progress? Is it:
- a way to cope with trauma?
- a protection mechanism?
- a signal that you need to prioritize self-care?
- a way to keep people at a distance?
- a lack of systems and discipline to keep things neat and tidy once it’s been decluttered and organized?
Try pinpointing when the clutter issues began. Were you once neat and tidy? What caused that to change? Did you grow up in a messy, hectic home? How did living in that home make you feel, and why have those habits been carried into adulthood?
I know it’s cliche to say, “Knowledge is power,” but I really believe that it’s through this introspection that things can profoundly change.
Give Yourself Grace
One of the most important things we can do in this process is give ourselves grace.
Instead of being angry that you’ve allowed things to get to this point, try to view the situation from a positive mindset.
For example, instead of being angry with myself, I’m trying to focus on being appreciative. I had subconsciously done what I felt was necessary and best to keep myself safe. That’s kind of amazing! I guess someone does have my back, and that someone is me!
Keeping all of this in mind while decluttering has been a huge help for me because instead of falling prey to the insecurities and fears that caused me to accumulate all of this in the first place, I remind myself that I no longer need this “protection.”
Even though I may have subconsciously built this wall of clutter with the best of intentions for self-preservation, it’s now doing more harm than good. The wall needs to come down, and the stuff needs to go.
I’m able to pass these things on to people who may actually use and appreciate them, and give myself space, peace, and the opportunity for connection in the meantime.
I’m so glad you shared this. Just yesterday my therapist and I were discussing how I can’t seem to get past my shopping addiction and clutter problem. I buy tons of stuff, trip over it for two years, get rid of it….and then buy more, over and over in a vicious cycle. I related so much to what you said about having clutter as a way to protect yourself and keep people at a distance- I think that’s what I’ve been doing, too! I really struggle with genuine closeness to others. Clutter is my buffer, my mask.
I have a book recommendation: What Your Clutter is Trying to Tell You: Uncover the Message in Your Mess and Reclaim Your Life by Kerri Richardson. It’s a short but sweet book full of great insights, similar to what you shared here. (Not that I want you to buy more stuff and add to the clutter! There’s a kindle version or maybe your library has one.)
Clutter is definitely a buffer! What’s worse is it’s actually kind of social because we’re usually (unless it’s online shopping) buying stuff in stores around other people so there’s this superficial socializing going on, but no real risk of getting hurt. Plus, we get that rush of acquiring something new that always feels so exciting and fun. Then the stuff just sits around our houses haunting us until we get rid of it. This has happened to me more times than I can count!
As for the book, thanks so much for the recommendation. I actually already have it! I read it last year and just found myself nodding in agreement to almost everything she said. I just wish it had been longer! ?
Emily, thank you so much for this video! I agree with you that clutter is a symptom of something else. I could relate to your reasons for holding on to things so, so much. I appreciate your honesty and bravery!
Thanks so much for watching and reading, Ann!
Stop making me cry Emily! ? We love you and we’ve got your back. Clutter has so many underlying reasons! So many great points. I’ve learned that there is no magic formula to erase clutter. It usually requires lots of hard work! Not just on getting rid of stuff but changing our mindset too. Asking ourselves questions before we buy something. Stoping the inflow is the only way to maintain the hard work. Thanks for being real. Thanks for being you Sassenach.
lol You know I love an Outlander reference!! Sometimes I wish there was a magic formula or a magic wand that could just easily get everything taken care of and put back in place, but I’m trying to remember that good things will be on the other side of this struggle. I recently heard that caterpillars, when they’re in their cocoons and in the process of becoming butterflies, have to struggle to break free. If the cocoon is opened by someone or something else, the butterfly ends up dying because it doesn’t know how to fly. The struggle is what strengthens the wings and enables the caterpillar to live its new life. (Where’s the brain exploding emoji when I need it?! lol) I know it’s probably corny and cliche to use a butterfly reference, but it really resonated with me!
Emily, this is just the absolute best video! You are SOOO right that clutter is a signal! I have grown up with parents who live in clutter and mess. As an adult, I always felt mad at my parents for not teaching me how to clean and organize. As a mother, I recently noticed how messy my son was and something clicked. I need to learn to organize and de clutter to give my son these tools for a successful adulthood. ?
For me, clutter is a signal to get out of my depression and guilt, take care of MYSELF, and teach my child this valuable life tool of giving a damn about self-care and our environment we live in. Thank you so much! I appreciate you being so vulnerable .
I couldn’t agree more, Kami! Seeing my kids replicate my bad habits and struggles is a huge kick in the pants to get this taken care of once and for all! It breaks me heart to think that their childhood memories might be, “We could never have friends over because the house was always a mess.” Ugh!! ? The good news is the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging it, and we’re there so now it’s just a matter of time!
Excellent post, Emily! You’re absolutely correct! I think my list is a little long. 🙂 For me, it started with a 4-month family health issue. After a positive ending (for the health issue), things had piled up in the house (especially cleaning & paperwork) = Overwhelmed. I had “quasi-PTSD” from the family health scare & from the stressful caregiver activities I had performed daily. I then froze up for years (from “tasks”); there was also a need for “not doing un-Fun things”… like chores. Your FB site has been helping me take baby steps recently. I’m also very happy to be an Introvert, yet that also brings up issues that you mentioned in your video. Introverts have a difficult time finding like-minded Introverts and, so, quit trying to connect (and find connection in other ways via social media and/or with Fun (!!!) solitary hobbies and with Things. I LOVE your connection of Clutter with Not wanting to entertain… So true for me! With maturity (aging! haha!), I’ve realized that I don’t WANT to entertain and I don’t HAVE to entertain (in spite of social expectations). However, I might be sending my husband a message via Clutter that “we can’t entertain” since he is less introverted than I am (I think he understands now and knows he should connect with his buddies whenever he wants). Thank you! Have a Wonder-Full day! Hugs to all!
Thanks so much for sharing, Barb! I’m so happy to hear the site’s been helpful! I hope you’ll keep me posted on how your decluttering goes.
This really did make sense to me. Thank you for sharing! Your words are helping me asking myself – and finding some explanation why I have been hoarding stuff for the last 20 years.
Thanks a lot!
You’re very welcome! Thanks for watching, and I’m glad it helped. ?
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. It really hit home with me and I can totally relate. It’s also something that has been on my mind lately. I agree with you that clutter can be a symptom of other struggles.
You’re very welcome! On one hand, I’m sorry anyone can relate, but I hope it helps to know you aren’t alone.
Hugs! I am having “issues” too. Several people in my life died in the past 5 1/2 years, and I am still having trouble letting things go. I am finally not feeling as guilty about giving their possessions away, but I also get Fall Depression when the days start to get shorter, and am experiencing that right now as well. My living area is a total disaster, and I haven’t cared about it for a while, but I need to get busy and declutter. I have been cleaning out a few cabinet shelves, things behind closed doors,…….I just had an epiphany,…..as I was typing. I am scared to have “new” people come to my home, so I haven’t done any cleaning….then I don’t have to invite people, in case like you said they leave for whatever reason, like for me they have died.. Thanks for sharing your struggles.
I’m so sorry to hear that, Edith. Letting things go after people have passed can feel especially hard because it feels so final, and letting new people come in feels even more risky. I’m so glad to hear you’ve had an epiphany. I hope it helps you create the home you want and deserve.
Your written and video sharing are both insightful and courageous…You have me, and many others, thinking more deeply. Thank you!
With a grateful heart,
Jaelyn
Thank you, Jaelyn! I really appreciate that! <3
Yeah, you had me going there for a minute with “Clutter can be a good thing.” WHAAT???
Your explanation makes so much sense. I keep thinking I’m making progress, then I fall back.
The good thing is, I usually go forward again, even if only a half step at a time!
Keep on being real and honest, please! WE appreciate your vulnerability.
Thanks, Melinda! Our decluttering progress feels the same, two steps forward, one step back, but you’re right… we’re moving in the right direction!!
I had a different situation wherein, I don’t invite guest because I know how much clutter I have at my house. And the good thing is that my guest was the one who told me that it’s fine since you cannot really find a cleaner house w/ kids and they just ignore my clutters when they got in. I’m still working on it as of the moment.
My parents grew up during the Depression. My father completed his machinist apprenticeship and was a mechanical design engineer and an inventor. We didn’t buy things, we made them. We grew up without a TV but had a house full of books, metalworking, woodworking and mechanics tools and we were taught how to use them correctly. We scoured, scavenged and collected discards that were repaired, restored, repurposed or recycled. We were raised to be independent with skills as makers.
Our house was cluttered but it was also always clean. That clutter fueled our imaginations. It was the resource that empowered our creativity, built and furnished our homes and was the source of accomplishment and satisfaction. I made it.