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I’ve been struggling with contentment lately… and by “lately” I mean for most of my life. Logically, I know I’m blessed beyond what I deserve, and I really don’t have any complaints about how things in my life are unfolding, but I sometimes get this nagging “what if” feeling that just won’t leave me alone. I struggle with feeling like I’ll finally be happy if x, y, or z happens only to achieve it and find myself surprised that nothing’s changed. I just end up wanting something new.
In some ways this is good, I guess. It motivates me to try new things and work to improve myself, but more often than not this eternal quest for something else, something more or different, leaves me feeling hollow.
The good news is that I’m finally figuring some stuff out like:
Whatever I think I’m lacking or will make me happy is immaterial. The subject is constantly changing, yet the restless feeling of wanting something new remains the same. Since I am the common denominator the answer must lie within me… somewhere. I’ve evidently hidden it really well.
I’ve never felt this nagging lacking while keeping a gratitude journal. I was really great about keeping one in high school. The entries would get rather repetitive, but keeping a record of all I was thankful for was a really powerful exercise. I’ve since allowed life to get in the way, and I’ve deteriorated into someone who frequently feels uneasy and unappreciative. Not good. This also isn’t the model I want to be for my kids (so we can add guilty to that list now too).
Happiness will never come from outside of myself. I’m stubborn so I’ve tried over and over and over again to achieve what I think the picture of happiness looks like, but eventually the novelty wears off, and I’m back where I started. I need to start looking in new places… specifically within.
Things are rarely as they seem. When I was younger I bought into the lie some others had perfect lives. It wasn’t until someone said my life was so easy and perfect that it finally clicked that everyone is fighting their own battle. All lives have their own challenges, and the quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy” is very true.
Where does this leave me? I’m not really sure to be honest, but I think it’s finally sinking in that I’m never going to achieve contentment until I’m able to feel genuinely grateful for all I do and do not have. Looks like it’s also time to start up another gratitude journal.
(I may be linking up to these great parties.)
I can completely relate to this! Sometimes I found myself in a constant state of discontentment when I am focusing on what others have, rather than what I am blessed with. I wrote a post about this too a while back: http://creativehomekeeper.com/3-ways-to-overcome-discontentment/
It’s horrible, isn’t it. Thanks for sharing your post. I’m going to read it now. 🙂
Thanks for being so honest about your struggle. I struggle with being content as well. I love the idea of keeping a gratitude journal because that will help me focus on what the good things. I’m so glad I stopped by from Inspire Me Please (#5 Color Inspiration for the living room and 9 All Things Fall) Have a great weekend!
Thanks, Carrie. It seems to be a more universal struggle than I initially expected, which makes me feel a little better. I hope you had a great weekend. I’m off to check out your blog now 🙂
Wow. Every bit of that spoke to me. I am struggling with the same thing. In addition, with the realization (like so many people in their late 20s/early 30s) that the dream that we grew up with- going to college, getting a great job, or going to grad school and getting an even better job, and then continuously moving up in pay and position- probably will not happen that way. I have always struggled with contentment as well, and especially now. I never did try making a gratitude journal, but maybe I will try it.
I have often thought about other peoples’ lives, and how great they seem. You are so right- everyone is struggling with the things that they don;t like about their own lives, and mine might look perfect to them. Mine is pretty great. Thanks for posting this!
Thanks, Emily. Yes, the “dream” hasn’t quite worked out how I imagined either. In some ways that’s great, but in others (especially financially!) it’s been a brutal realization. It’s definitely hard to fight that “grass in greener” thinking. I heard somewhere that, “Your own grass can be just as green, if not greener, if you give it more attention and focus on it instead of your neighbor’s.” Isn’t that the truth! Thanks so much for commenting. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone in these feelings (though I do feel bad that you’re experiencing them too.)
There is a real art to being content in all circumstances, isn’t there? And it usually doesn’t come naturally, I have learned. At least not for me. Or most humans I know.
It makes me think of the musical, Into the Woods. At the start of the show, the performers since, “I wish, more than anything, more than life…” then they all sing the things they want that will make them happy. For Cinderella, it’s to go to the ball. For the Baker and his wife, a child. For Jack, it’s for his cow to give him some milk. By the beginning of Act II, all of their wishes have come, and guess what? They sing a new version of “I wish,” with new wishes that will make them happy. They’re discontent. And it’s such a statement on the human condition.
I, too, am working on learning to be content in all circumstances, trying to see God’s hand in even the really crappy situations, and trying to remember that there is a plan for it all. It’s a process! But you’re so right, it’s hard to have a bad attitude when you stop to remember all the things you’re thankful for. And there is so much!
Oh, and on the subject of happiness and gratitude, I take it you’ve seen this video? If not, watch it now. And have a handkerchief nearby: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHv6vTKD6lg
I hadn’t seen that SoulPancake gratitude video before. Thanks so much for sharing it! I need to watch more of their stuff. I’ve never heard of Into the Woods either, but it sounds perfectly applicable. It saddens me that even when I get what I want I struggle with happiness and contentment, but knowing others have the same struggles does make me feel a little better. (Is that bad?)
Wow, Emily, all your points are so, so true and I have been guilty of falling into each trap at various times throughout my life. If only we could remember these truths as we’re going through our days, right?!
(Visiting from Tell Me Tuesdays …)
Hi Shana, Yes, remembering (especially in times of stress) would be a huge help to me.
I sometimes feel the same way! I have all these what ifs, shoulda woulda couldas, and it takes some time to realize how good my life really is. Then it hits me that I have no regrets and enjoy my life.
Thanks so much for sharing this post on Turn It Up Tuesdays! We love having you!
I’m still working on that “no regrets” thing. On one hand there are things I wish I could’ve done differently, but on the other I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in my life right now so I need to work on being thankful for all I’ve been through.
Thanks for hosting!
You have no idea how much I needed to read this post! I have a dear friend who I spoke with, recently, about never being content with what I have… in the midst of my distraction ((what I am wishing for)) I’m missing the blessing of what I have. Thanks so much for sharing this — it rings so true for me right now! Hope your weekend was wonderful?! ((Hugs))
Thanks, Heather. I’m the same way. I tend to be a very forward thinking, dreamer personality (an ENFP on that personality test), but then I feel guilty because I’ve been blessed with a lot already. I should appreciate what I have more instead of wishing for what I don’t. (Hugs back!) 🙂
I can relate to this too Emily. I have so much to be happy and grateful about but still can’t let go of one thing in my life: not being able to live closer to family. It’s been a struggle. I often wonder would I be upset about something else if I did live closer to family?! So I get that. I like your idea of a journal. I think I might give that a try! I’ll be featuring this on Tell Me Tuesday:) Hope you are having a great week!
Thanks, Tori. I heard a while ago about how wealthy people (I think it was related to lottery winners) do seem to be a little happier but not really that much more overall. The report said people tend to get used to whatever their situation is and the initial excitement/happiness kind of wears off. I experience that exact thing, and I know it confuses other people when they see me get what I wanted only to then want something else not long after. It’s nice to know other people struggle with the same feelings. Thanks for the feature! 🙂