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Well I’ve been feeling like a bit of a fraud lately. Fraud may be a little too strong, but I’ve definitely felt like I’ve let people down.
When I started the Declutterathon in January I did so not from a place of authority (obviously!) but out of necessity. My house feels constantly messy and cluttered, and I’m sick of it. After thinking about it carefully I’ve figured out that these are my biggest decluttering challenges.
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I enthusiastically jumped in and announced my new challenge without having any posts prewritten, which I deeply regret because I’ve found it hard to keep up with everything. Blogging takes a surprisingly large amount of time so usually by the time I’m finished either blogging or decluttering I’m too tired to focus on the other.
I feel like I’ve let my fellow declutterers down, but I hope you find some comfort in the fact that I was totally honest when I said we’re in this together. I wish I could suffer from phony clutter, just throwing things around the room to get a good before picture and then going back to my immaculately clean ways, but that’s not the case. My before pictures are brutal and very hard to share as someone who likes to appear to have it all together, though I rarely (if ever) do.
Despite already covering multiple rooms in the challenge, the only rooms I’ve really successfully completed are my entryway and bedroom. Unfortunately, both have once again become a mess as I’ve tried to work on other areas so I feel like I’m back to square one.
I’ve been thinking a lot about why I struggle so much with not only decluttering but then keeping things decluttered, and I’ve identified a few issues:
1. I’m trying to organize clutter.
In early April, my husband and I attended the annual homeschooling convention where I was able to see the FlyLady! That was very exciting, and during the Q&A a woman said she was always fighting clutter in her home and didn’t know why. She said she would clean the same space over and over and over again only for it to end up a cluttered mess again in no time. (Story of my life!)
The FlyLady responded with, “You’re trying to organize clutter, and you can’t. Clutter can’t be organized,” and I realized that’s exactly what I have been doing. I’ve be purging here and there, but I still have way too much stuff. I’ve kept most of it out of guilt, “Well, I spent money on it so I should use it” or “I don’t want to hurt (insert name here)’s feelings by getting rid of this,” but the truth is, I have a ton of stuff that I could and should get rid of. Worst of all, I probably wouldn’t even remember most of it once it’s gone.
A lot of people are talking about the Konmari method of decluttering right now, and I’ve decided that I not only want to read it, but I want to be able to read it with all of you!
I’ve started the My Love for Words book club, and The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing
will be our first book.
Be sure to join the virtual book club for all the info and discussions. Formal discussions will start the second week of June so be sure to buy
or borrow your book asap. 🙂
2. I seriously lack discipline.
I wish discipline came to me easily. I do. If someone has a magic wand or a genie’s wish they’re willing to spare, please allow me to ask for discipline. My lack of discipline has no doubt added to my messy house and ever expanding waistline (I just had a doctor’s appointment so I’m somewhat traumatized by having just been weighed).
I desperately need to establish some sort of routine and actually follow it through. I’m great at coming up with ideas. It’s implementing those ideas where I tend to fall flat. I end up distracted and starting a new, more exciting project instead.
3. I become overwhelmed.
I usually start projects with a lot of enthusiasm and end up overwhelmed and disappointed, especially when trying to tackle a large task like decluttering. I tend to feel like if I can’t do it perfectly, why bother doing it at all, which completely works against achieving my goals.
I also end up feeling like if I can’t get my entire house organized at once, what’s the point? “Oh great, one small space in your home is organized, and the rest is a complete disaster. Why are you bothering?” The task feels insurmountable, but I know that if I just focus on baby steps I will make progress. My house didn’t get this way overnight, after all.
So, what am I going to do about these problems? I’m going to come up with a plan and stick to it, but it’s going to be a plan that doesn’t drastically change my life or days. I know I won’t be able to stick with a plan that makes drastic changes to my days, but maybe if I start small (like making my bed, which I <truth alert> was supposed to do for at least a week and only did like once or twice!) I’ll be able to stick with these new habits.
I’m also going to get rid of a lot more stuff, and set small, reasonable goals. It may not be realistic to think I’m going to get my entire bedroom (because it’s in even worse shape than my before pics, if you can believe it) in one day. It may not even be realistic to do it in one week, but I’m going to start setting small goals and then if I have time for more I can do more. Hmm… I feel a new printable coming on. Afterall, all good things start with cute printables, right? Look for that soon. 🙂
Finally, I’m going to read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing and hope that it truly is life-changing. I’m sick of living in a messy house, and I want to set a better example for my kids so they develop good habits and don’t struggle with this same issue when they’re adults.
I (selfishly) hope you can relate to this is some way, and that I don’t just sound like a rambling crazy person. You all have been extremely helpful and motivating both in your comments here and in the Declutterathon facebook group, and I’m sure the book club will be great too. I’m looking forward to it and getting back to making progress!
Emily, you are not alone. I have only done my bedroom and it stops there. I have been keeping mine up pretty much. I have one corner that I still need to tackle, but that will come. I really think something needs to click in order for you to be successful. I reached that point a while ago. I just have had some physical problems that have kept me from doing things as I would like. Thank you for being transparent. We are all here together. I thank you for the group. I know others are thankful as well. You have given us all a gift by starting this group. The ending doesn’t matter. It is the journey.
I was keeping my bedroom up for a while until we have people coming over and had to declutter the main living areas by throwing everything in our bedroom. Ugh! I just have too much junk, but you’re right. I need to focus on the journey. I’ll get there eventually.
Congratulations you are human. So many bloggers seem to be too perfect. It’s refreshing to know you are all human like the rest of us
haha, yes, all too human.
OMGoodness! We are certainly kindred spirits! I LOVE the FlyLady & just recently started reading The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up! Not too mention–I finally am a believer of FlyLady’s “you can’t organize clutter” statement. It’s only taken me a gazillion years for it to finally sink in–but I think I am finally a believer…………now I just need to put it into play! Hopefully, we can all help each other! Thank you for sharing your story!
haha, I can relate to it taking a gazillion years for that message to sink in! I’m not sure it’s 100% sunken in, but I can feel a change happening so I’m hopeful 🙂 Good luck in your decluttering. You can do it!
I just feel so much better knowing I’m not a complete failure. Thank you for your honesty and please don’t be ashamed. Life gets in the way of our plans all the time.
It really does feel like it’s all the time, doesn’t it. I told my husband I wish I could pause life, get things in order, and then restart things. It would be so much easier 🙂
I totally understand how you feel. You are right, the solution is to get rid of stuff, more stuff and even more stuff and to couple that with habits. Don’t expect to do all of the habits at once though. Just one at a time. Juggling blogging and decluttering is hard work and a set routine is the solution, or for me it was. Decluttering in the mornings gave me something to write about in the afternoon. You need a way to push through the hard moments of overwhelm, for me that was to just find something, anything to remove from the house and to stick to my (very very basic) cleaning schedule (sorta).
You also need to give yourself a break every now and then. It has taken me nearly 2 years of steady decluttering but despite that, last Monday clutter overwhelm hit me hard. Decluttering and blogging are both marathons, not a sprint, it’s about putting one foot in front of the other and the goal is to do better this time then you did last time. Feel free to message me if you need some decluttering venting.
It’s worth it. Totally worth it.
Here from Sunday Features Party.
Lately seems all I’m hearing about is de-cluttering. We are ALL overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in our houses, I think.
Personally, I’ve been binge purging, and de-cluttering for 8 weeks now. I can NOT believe the sheer volume of stuff I’ve hauled outta my house! I live in a 4/2, which I share with my brother. My stuff is in 3 of 4 bedrooms, and 5 of 7 closets! ACK!
And I just purchased a less than 600 sq ft trailer to move into. De-cluttering moving into overdrive!!
Wish me luck!
(I still don’t make my bed either.)
You can do it, slow and steady wins the race.
You are SO not alone. I’m single, I live in a small apartment and I can’t believe the amount of mess all around me. It makes me feel ashamed, like if I had a family I’d have an excuse. But baby steps is definitely the right way to go. I’m starting again (again) by cleaning after myself as I go and doing just one task – even if it’s tiny – each day to start dealing with the backlog.
Please don’t feel bad!! I am right there with you when it comes to trying to de-clutter while keep from getting overwhelmed with the million other things going on. It’s a work in progress but any little bit helps! I am definitely going to check out your book rec, I need some sort of direction when it comes to organizing and trying to de-clutter. Good luck and keep up the good work!
I am the lady that dusted the light bulbs. I would clean every weekend until I was so tired I could hardly move. I grew up in a house wher I was ashamed to let my friends or even dates in my Mother’s house.
I said that I would never let my children feel that way.
My Mama worked full time and took care of me and my Grandmother. My Mama would save papers just in case there was a paper drive. The house was so full of stuff that there were paths in the bedroom. However, the kitchen was always clean. There were never any dirty dishes in the sink. There was clutter throughout the entire house. My Mama never had a dishwasher, washer/dryer or even a car. On her weekends she washed all the weeks worth of wash by hand. She would hang all this on the line. My Mama divorced my Dad when I was 2 years old. When she was growing up her family was I guess you would call it well to do. My Father has his own business but started drinking and lost everything. I am 57 so in those days in NC most women did not divorce. Before the drinking my family lived in the best neighborhood, belonged to the Country Club and Mama had never worked outside of the home. I truly believe that Mama lost everything so she would keep stuff in case it may be used for something. I had the sweetist Mom. She took time with me and I always came first before any de clutter or housework.
Now back to me, I was a clean freak. I new that there were no dust or if something was pulled out ie stove it would be sparkling just like the rest of our house.
The problem was that I was so worried that the house was spotless and I certainly did not want any of my children to ever be ashamed to have friends over that I now wonder how I missed my children growing up so fast. If my kids wanted to go to the park or a movie I couldn’t take them until all the housework was done.
I am a breast cancer survivor. I look at life so much different now. Who cares if I have dust, a cluttered room or a clean house. Oh one more thing I was so bad that I couldn’t stand it if my upstairs bed was not made the minute I got out of it. If I was running late for work I would be disturbed all day until I was able to get home and make the bed or get that one glass out of the sink. Pretty sad Now that I think back at all the time I spent on the perfectly clean house.
Now I think back and wish that I would have done more and had more time with my children. The clutter could have waited. Please don’t misunderstand. We took vacations with the children I drove them to soccer, cheerleading and such but the real shame is I failed to play with them until all the housework was done. The house came first and unlike my Mom the kids had to wait for my time. I’m so ashamed.
The kids are grown now the youngest is 22 and still at home and school.
All my children tell me I was an awesome Mom.
All this was BC (before cancer). The house is full of clutter. My craft room has become the junk room or as Hubby calls it “the pig hole”. After the 5 surgeries in one year, chemotherapy and being completely exhausted while trying to go back to my full time job housework was not happening. It was a chore to just go to work. It was all I could do. I did try to make dinner every night. It was back to bed and start all over for the next day. I would sleep all weekend just to get some engery to try to make it another week at work. I was also taking 26 pills a day. My memory was awful. It was all I could do to keep awake on the daily commute back home. I was so tired I actually fell asleep at a light one day. Finally after several years like this, I had to retire. I loved my job and miss it terribly but I couldn’t do it anymore after 32 years in my field. My Hubby and kids were great but he couldn’t do everything. My kids were both working and going to college so they couldn’t keep up with the housework.
I have been retired for a year now. I have good days and bad days but it is time for me to get this house in order. My best friend was over a few weeks ago. I warned her that the house was really messy. It was so funny when she looked me in the eye and started laughing saying “it’s about time your house started looking like normal people’s houses”. I have to admit that I have no idea where to start. It seems when I start cleaning I see something else go to do that and I end up with a bigger mess than when I started. Your story has helped me to realize that I must do at least one job a day and to stay focused on that one task until it is done. If I feel okay I will start another and finish that task. I hope to get the house back into order. I wrote a book, on your blog. I’m sorry! I have never written anything like this before.
I want to tell you that your story has helped me realize that we can do it! I’m not the only one overwhelmed. Thank you so for helping me get my ambition back! You are awesome too!
Cheryl, I’m so happy my words could help you. I have no doubt that you were a great mother, and (most importantly) your children agree. You can definitely do this! You’ve already raised children and beaten cancer, and those are no small feats. I’d love to support you in any way I can, and there’s a whole group of Declutterathoners on facebook ready to support you too if you want it. You’ve got this! Thanks so much for sharing 🙂
Thank you for your story. I actually tell myself that the housework can wait. I’ve had dozens of tea parties, picnics & made homemade forts w/my now 17,15, & 10yr old children I don’t regret a moment! The time flew~I’ll have a spotless house when they’re gone :-).
Thank you for reminding me I’ve made the right choice,
Tammy K.
Very true. As they say, “A spotless house is a sign of a wasted life” or something like that. Based on how my house looks, we’re definitely enjoying ourselves! lol
I wish you the best in your de-cluttering! It is a never-ending job and takes lots and lots of hard work, but you seem like the type that will face it head-on and conquer!
Thanks, Lindsey! Yeah, I think it’s finally dawning on me that this is going to be a never-ending process. haha I appreciate your optimism. I hope I conquer it too!
I’m too big a wimp to leave a name to this post – even a fake one. My in-laws are huge clutterbugs. Every time I declutter my husband teases me about it. Every time he teases me I say, Do you want to end up like your parents?
It’s bad. It’s so bad, my husband’s joked that when they die (and they aren’t in the best of health, so it’ll be sooner rather than later) he’ll just light a match and let the house burn, so he won’t have to worry about cleaning up after them.
This is going to sound morbid . . . But make it a habit now, so that in (however-many-years), when you are not doing so well, health-wise, and the end of your life is drawing close, your children and their spouses won’t have to turn to each other in the middle of the night with a look of horror on their faces and say, “What are we going to do with all their stuff?”
I completely understand. Unfortunately, my grandfather was a bit of a hoarder (bad enough to be on the A&E show!), and when he passed there was a ton of stuff to sort through and clean up. I think about this frequently. We aren’t at that level by any means, but I’m sure he wasn’t at my age either. I’d hate to leave that burden on my kids. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Love this and in the middle of organizing! Thanks for sharing #HomeMatters Linky Party this week. I hope that you will be back this week! Rhonda
Thanks, Rhonda, and thanks for hosting! I’ll be back 🙂
Thanks so much to all you lovely ladies for your comments and Emily for this blog. I feel so much better about my attempts at decluttering. I really needed some inspiration! My parents were serious collectors. We lived in a small house surrounded by so much stuff. We even had car parts in our kitchen! I swore I never would be like them but…here I am with way too much stuff. Must be hereditary! I have managed to control it by keeping most of my clutter in one room – my “art” room. ( no art has been made in that room for years now!). My husband has other more colorful names for the room but ladies don’t repeat those things! Twenty years ago I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, then 15 years ago fibromyalgia along with a seizure disorder. I had to give up my job and stay home. I still struggle with a serious lack of energy and most days it is all I can do to get up and get dressed. On a good day, when I feel a little better, I really need to work on decluttering but I have felt so overwhelmed and didn’t know where to start so I didn’t. I’m inspired to try again and just try a little at a time. It’s good to know that there are lots of others in my boat! Even bloggers aren’t perfect – thank goodness! I read the Magic of Tidying…I read anything I find on decluttering and it definitely had a new ( to me) approach. Some helpful ideas but a lot of repetition especially about the authors background. It seemed more geared toward single people but worthwhile for anyone. Thanks for letting me tell a little of my story and especially thank you all for your encouraging words.
I completely agree. There were quite a few times while I was reading that book that I thought, “Well that would be hard with a family!” I hope you feel better and just declutter when you can. Your health is more important! 🙂
It sounds like you are living my nightmare. Sorry. It is also nice to know I am not the only one who struggles in this way. I’m so happy I came across your site and, eager to begin. Thank you, sincerely frustrated and fed up!
I’m glad you found me and know you aren’t alone in this struggle.
OMG, I feel as if we are clutter twins, lol. This is my first time reading your blog and I’m hooked because you are so real and honest. I have read so many blogs and they have been interesting but unreal. Your blog felt like if I was hearing a friend who has the same problem I do and I find that amazing and yet comforting. Thank you for being a real down to earth blogger.
Thank you, Carmen! It’s hard to put myself out there sometimes (those before pictures are painful to post), but I do it for this exact reason. I hope it helps others out there who are like me.
Emily, don’t get discouraged. Sometimes it takes many attempts for “it” to finally click. I grew up with a packrat mom and so am vigilant lest the packrat gene come out in me! 😀 I think the key to that is the “One In/One Out” rule: If I want to get a new whatever, the old one has to go. No exceptions. When I received a gift of 6 glasses, I went through the cupboard and found 6 glasses to donate. My mother would just keep expanding her storage space. A new dress or new pair of shoes means going through the closet and finding an old dress or pair of shoes to donate. *My* biggest challenge is paper. I blogged about it in January and have made progress since then, but it is by no means conquered! My husband says once I get the piles of paper off my desk, I should take a picture and use it as my screensaver!
I love that screensaver idea! You’re right though, an ever-expanding storage situation does not work out well at all. I’m impressed you’ve been able to fight though packrat genes though. I wish I could have!
You sound exactly like me. I’m always working my butt off and not showing much for all my effort. I’ve been very hard on myself. I had my mother pass away a few years ago and was in a couple car accidents leading to episodes of depression. Recently I started with a new therapist and she really clicked. She asked me a lot of questions about my life and we finally figured out I am bipolar depressive and have ADHD tendencies. I always get these highs were I get so excited and determined to tackle my house, my bills, etc. What then happens is I start a project and then jump to another cause I get distracted. Then I end up upset because I have all these projects going and nothing finished. If anything I ended up with even more of a mess. Anyway I now working on finding a med that works for me, making a plan doing only one project at a time, getting rid of clutter to help combat the disorganization I already fight. I love Pintrest and blogs because they help me see easier ways to do the project’s I want to finish. Anyway, you’re not alone. This may not be your challenge but at least you’re not alone. Most importantly, don’t give up and be gentle with yourself. Still learning that
Thanks, Patsy! It’s so funny you said, “Be gentle with yourself.” Years ago a friend gave me a magnet that said, “Be gentle with yourself. You’re a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.” I recite that to myself quite often. It’s too easy to be our own harsh critics.
i am in pretty much the same boat as many of you. I started the Konmari method last week and already I am starting to feel the magic. I think this method is the answer for me. I’ve purged clothing, books, and now I’m nearly done with papers. As you cans see, you organize by category, but you must discard first before you organize. Instead of deciding what to throw away, you decide what to keep by asking if each item brings you joy. Not guilt. It helps to visualize your space and what your goals are.. That clear picture for me has motivated me and keeps me going when I’m discouraged. I am so excited to get through all the categories, I’m determined to completely go though all categories top to bottom until it’s complete. What I’ve already completed is so motivating and easy to keep clean. My drawers look beautiful and have extra space and my bookshelves do too. I’ve never tried something before that I actually felt I could see it through and it would change my long term habits.but I believe this will!
It really does help, doesn’t it! I’m amazing at how letting go of the guilt has allowed me to let go of so much junk.
Word for word!!!! I swear there is no difference between our days, ideas, and thoughts. I feel like all I do is clean yet our house is NEVER clean. I always feel like a complete failure I am a work at home mom but never really get any work done,I am behind and unorganized with all the important household management tasks (budget, bills,etc), and worst of all, I might be home with my kids but I never really spend quality time with them! Thank you so much – and best of all I can show this to those who cannot understand what I do all day, and how I feel!!
I’m both so glad and so sorry you can relate! lol It’s a frustrating position to be in, I know. It’s comforting to know we’re not alone though.
Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. I struggle mostly with feelings attached to things from people that have died-Husband, Dad, Grandma, Father-in-law, etc., or my own personal successes, but I am so fed up with my clutter that I am beginning to let go. I have recently started to go through my college papers from 31 years ago. OMG! Lol I have been trying to fill my recycle cart at least 1/2 full every two weeks (it is a large cart on wheels) and I also try to throw out as much as possible. Sometimes if I am struggling with something that needs to go, and I will put it by the back door, and hopefully on garbage/recycling day I trip over it and it gets tossed. I have had such a mess going, but I try to tidy-up the decluttering mess once or twice a week. I try to make my bed every day, and keep both my bathrooms tidy, so I have stress-free spaces to go to that give me that “accomplished feeling”. I also do not declutter every day. It still doesn’t look like I have made any progress even though I know there has been a lot that I have removed. I am by myself, and I know it is so much harder if you have a family. Hang in there. Hugs!
It sounds like you’re making wonderful progress! I think a large part of decluttering, and quite possible the hardest work, is the emotional stuff we have to work through before we can make progress with the physical stuff. It sounds like you’re working through those emotions to the point where you’re starting to let things go. That’s wonderful!! Keep it up!! Sending hugs back <3